Wednesday, August 27, 2008

THE McRIB IS BACK!!!

I smell trouble....
This is what 12 points (500 calories, 26 g fat, and 3 g fiber) of pure bliss looks like. I heart you McRib.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Rediculous!

4 Seasons has finally moved to the 21st Century and is now offering online fitness class registration. I logged into the system and signed up for my classes (2 of which were full--boo!). So the registration site also has a handy section called "Check-In History". This is the part that will tell you how many times you have visited the gym. So far this month, I have gone to the gym once. ONCE! Are you kidding me? I paid $46 to use the gym for an hour. I say that not with anger directed at the gym, but at myself. Then I looked at past history. I had 2 visits in July and 2 in June. Are you kidding me? I've only gone to the gym 5 times in the last 3 months?! Now, this could be the part where I say it's ok because it's the summer and I've been working out outside. This would be a big, fat (like my ass) lie.


What is wrong with me? What a waste of money! Hopefully going through the act of actually registering for the classes will get me back in the gym--if not for my jiggly thighs, to justify allocating the funds.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

The Prodigal Child has returned....

I feel like the kid from the bible story. I went off into the world of food thinking I could live with reckless abandon, eating what I wanted--not exercising and it would be ok. It's not ok. I think my fat has grown fat. I feel horrible. Even though I've only gained 3 lbs I feel like Pizza the Hut from Spaceballs.

Weight Watchers is like the dad from the bible story. It always welcomes me back with open arms. They even waive the registration fee for online users who come back. Good thing too because with as many times as I've gone off and gotten back on I could have paid for some liposuction by now.

Yesterday was Day #1. I stayed on 100%. It feels good to be back "on the wagon". However, I've already decided that when special occasions happen I will allow myself to eat like a normal person. And when I say eat like a normal person, I mean eat myself into a food coma.

Monday, August 11, 2008

Google Search: Lactose Intolerant

What do you do when the one you love does not love you in return?

Disclaimer: I talk about gross stuff in here, like poop. You were warned. I think I might be lactose intolerant (mildly anyways). Every time I consume large quantities of cheese or milk, which lets face it, is every time I consume cheese or milk, I get the bubble guts and want to die. The crazy thing is I know it's going to happen and but I still put away dairy with reckless abandon.

Last night I was craving pizza so I got some Papa John's pizza and cheesy bread. I enjoyed my dinner and put the thought of pure agony that would be coming later in back of my head. I went to bed but then sure enough, at almost midnight on the dot I woke up in cold sweats. I was so tired but I ran to the bathroom and sat there for the next 20 minutes. It was horrible and I cursed myself for not having more self control throughout the miserable experience.

If for no other reason, public safety should be a good reason to watch my dairy intake. Friday on my way home from work I almost killed 2 pedestrians and cut off several motorists in my attempt to get home before I messed my pants. If a cop were to have attempted to pulled me over I wouldn't have stopped. I would have gladly spent a night in jail just to make it to the bathroom. Curse you dairy, CURSE YOU!

You know, this situation reminds me of dating a really hot, self absorbed guy. You are obsessed because they seem so amazing. You overlook the fact that they lie and say stupid things without any regard to how it might make you feel because you can't believe someone so hot wants to be with you. You justify their bad behaviors because there are times you are together that it just feels good. You know it's not going to end well for you, but you continue to be with them. Dairy you are like a hot, assholish boyfriend. Well, except the worse a slice of pizza has ever done is give me diarrhea, it has never fucked up my credit and called me fat......maybe it's an unfair comparison after all.