Boca Lovers Beware

This is an e-mail I sent to Schnucks headquarters today:

I wanted to e-mail someone with ties to your corporate office to tell about my latest incident with your Bloomington-Normal Schnucks stores. On 12/18 I shopped the Normal, IL Schnucks location. One of the items I picked-up was a Boca Lasagna entree. Today when I went to make it, I noticed the expiration date on the box was November 11 2008. When I called the Normal store to ask if it was still ok to eat, they transferred me to the dairy dept and I was told it was fine to eat. I then called Boca headquarters and their customer service rep told me it was not ok to eat. I then called back the Normal store and spoke to the manager. He apologized. I asked him if I could get a replacement at the Bloomington store because it is closer to my work and that was what I had intended to eat for lunch that day. He said yes and I went to the other store to get it. I first went to the freezer section to pick it up and was disgusted to see the first 2 Boca lasagnas on the shelf has expired in November 2008 and the one behind that expired in August 2008!! I would hate to go back further as there were more on the shelf. I brought up the boxes and showed the customer service counter manager. He gave me my $4 back. I know that there is not much more he could have done but I think it's disgusting that there is food on your shelves that has expired in August. I hate to think what would have happened it I had eaten this. I don't think it's up to your customers to ensure the food they are purchasing has not expired. Additionally, while I love Boca products and hope you will continue to sell them, if the demand is that low, perhaps you should not carry them if the ones you carry are expired. I do not want to say that I will not shop at Schnucks anymore as that is unrealistic. The Normal store is less than a mile from my house. However, I will be much more cautious when shopping at your stores.

Thank you for your time.

It's 10 AM, do you know where your Lean Cuisine is?

I do. I am eating it. That orange an hour ago just didn't do it for me. So I'm enjoying a Steak Tips Dijon frozen entree from the fine folks at Lean Cuisine. It's one of my favorites they offer. I am back on Weight Watchers. I had my first weigh-in after week 1 today...down 3 lbs. Nice start. Especially since I wasn't really re-committed 100%. I think only 3 days were actually on point. That Monical's run Friday night where I consumed 3/4 of a family pizza and a side of French probably didn't help my cause but I'll take the 3 lb loss and go from there.

A few weeks ago I stepped on the scale and saw that unacceptable weight appear. Have you ever had your unacceptable weight appear? It's terrible. It was increasingly terrible because we just finished up the Biggest Loser challenge where I managed to gain 0.8 over the course of a few months. That wouldn't be so bad had I not purposely put on 4 lbs at the start of the contest for strategy. Apparently my strategy was to grow out of my clothes. While I have not managed to do that yet, it cannot be far away.

French Dip - My new obsession

This week we had a luncheon for AWC at Redfire Grille. Our choices for lunch were the pasta or Philly Beef Sandwich. I opted for the meat selection. It was served with a side of au jus. Normally, I just dip my sandwiches in ketchup but some reason I decided to dip in the au jus. Good call Sarah. Wow, that was really, really tasty. Today I was thinking about that particular sandwich and decided to hit Arby's for lunch (yeah Weight Watchers is in the shitter again). I got the French Dip sandwich. I got back to work and dipped that bad boy. Holy crap. I'm addicted. So good. I still logged into Weight Watchers just to amuse myself and see how many calories I had consumed. Turns out, that sandwich isn't that bad for you. *fist pump* The fries I could skip though--9 points for that greasy mess. No thanks. I've decided that I should get that sandwich more often and have it with a baked potato at home. Mmmm, I'm thinkin' Arby's!

I love Taco Bell

I really love Taco Bell. I've had it for lunch everyday this week.......same thing too. Zesty Chicken Bowl, Pintos N Cheese, and Medium Diet. Everyday. I'm actually enjoying it now as I type. I like to eat down my Chicken Bowl until it's about halfway full and then add in the pintos n cheese. Beany goodness.

Here is my beef with Taco Bell. Why do they ask you for sauce and then NEVER put it in the bag. They ask you at the speaker after your order. Like a stall tactic while they hit the total button or something. They ask you again at the window you pay at. Then you get your food, confident that they were really concerned about your sauce needs to find no sauce in your bag. It's not only bad service, it's just plain mean. Shame on you Taco Bell, SHAME!

The Not Cute Dimple.

I was getting ready this morning and there it was. Staring back at me, mocking me. A small dimple on the side of my upper leg, almost to by booty. I pushed my finger in it, like it was stuck or something and that my pushing on it might magically pop the skin back out. It didn't. Now what? Am I just stuck with that dimple? Is there a way to reverse it? Has my body just rebelled from my yo-yoing ways and this is my battle wound? Is 25 years old where you body starts to dimple?

Back to Weight Watchers I A-Go-Go-

I got on the scale this morning. I am exactly where I was when we started the Biggest Loser challenge. Normally this would not upset me, however, I purposely binged the day before and gained 4 lbs overnight so I would start really high for the contest--you know, strategy. Well, today I weigh the exact same. Not ok. My skin feels tight like the fat might actually poke through my pores. I instantly knew the answer. Back to Weight Watchers I go. Weight Watchers works. It just does. It's old faithful. So I logged in first thing this morning and re-signed up for my online membership. So far, so good. I don't know why I think it's so difficult. It's a great plan, very flexible. You can honestly eat whatever you want as long as you're accountable and plan for it. Why am I being so whinny about the whole thing? Ah yes, I am a food addict--that is why. Hopefully I can get over myself and share some new finds soon! In the meantime, my friend Trish has a great site you should check out, http://fitbutdontyoujustknowit.tumblr.com/

Limited Time Only.....

The Chicken Pioziolla (sp?) from Subway is back! Do you have any idea how long I have been waiting for this? I think the last time I remember having one was after my first Weight Watchers meeting back in 2003. One day it just wasn't on the menu anymore and the teenie bopper behind the counter just looked at me like I was crazy when I tried to order it. Jerks. Anyways, it's delicious. It's like a pizza meets a sub and it's all toasty and cheesy and saucy and just yum. That's the only way I know how to describe it. OH, and the best part, it's on the $5 footlong menu. I had to celebrate today by getting a whole foot long one. I don't even feel bad about eating those extra 6 inches (that's what she said). Man, I'm glad The Office is back. Sorry, this blog is jumping everywhere. Oh week 1 results are back and I lost 4 lbs on Biggest Loser challenge. That was good enough for #3 percentage wise with out group. My brother Matt dominated losing 11.6 lbs. That is insane. Actually the boys had the #1 and #2 spots. Marc got #2. He lost 6 lbs. Seriously, I did not see drastic changes in his diet and he didn't all of a sudden become Billy Blanks with exercise so I'm not sure how he pulled that off. It's like those commercials....."My husband switched from regular soda to diet soda and lost 50 lbs, I switched to water and gained 5." Why is it so much easier for men to lose weight? I know that is purely a generalization but it seemed like the women went to much greater lengths to take it off this week and the scales weren't nearly as cooperative. Oh well, slow and steady wins the race.

"Sex sells babe."

I was complaining to Marc last night that I needed new work clothes. This is how the conversation went:

Me: I hate all my work clothes. I need more money so I can go shopping.
Marc: Yeah, you should get some new, tight clothes. Mmm Hmm.
Me: I don't want to dress like a slut at work.
Marc: Sex sells babe.
Me: I'm not selling anything.

Let me break this down for you a little bit. I guess technically you could say since I do marketing I am "selling" our company to people, but that is definitely a technicality. I mostly deal with clients/prospects over the phone.

Now to address the work clothes situation--90% of my work clothes are too big and make me look frumpy. Now, I (and I'm sure my boss and co-workers) don't necessarily like the way this looks (think oversized 3/4 button down shirts and loose black pants) but it's really comfortable. It's like wearing PJs to work. I usually pair it with some "dress" flip-flops. Is that an oxy-moron?

I know I need to dress more professionally and I think I will continue to work on that. However on the few days I do wear more fitted clothes I am constantly uncomfortable. I feel like I'm always pulling my shirt down, sucking in when I stand up, and starring at the indentations my "fitted" pants left in the bathroom mirror. One time I could almost make out the pants button manufacturer on my stomach. It's torture. Also, when I wear more fitted clothes I'm terrified I'm a big meal away from popping a button off and putting out someones eye. I would also like to point out that when you're not a size 2, you have to choose, either fitted shirt and loose pants or loose shirt and fitted pants. You can't have it both ways unless you want to show the whole world your muffin top has a muffin top*.


*A muffin top is when your pants are a too tight and your stomach spills over the top resembling the top of a muffin.

Biggest Loser Challenge

Biggest Loser is one of "my shows". Last week was the season premier. It's parent/child teams vs. spouses. As usual, I cry like a big baby listening to their stories and relating to the struggle they have with eating/weight/body image/self-esteem. Marc was at home sitting next to me on the couch, I unapologetically warned him that I would cry while watching and the fact that I was on beer #7 probably didn't help my ability to hold back tears. My sister was there and I asked her if I got a Biggest Loser contest together would she want to join. Us big girls know who we are, we know we big, that's why I knew she wouldn't be offended by me asking her to join. She agreed and slowly but surely others have caught the Biggest Loser fever and we now have 16 contestants with the potential to win $320. Holy Moses! So anyways, I'll keep everyone updated on how that is going. The contest will go into December.

So this weekend was basically a fat fest. I ate, a lot. I mean a lot. Yesterday was Dooms Day, my last day to unapologetically stuff my face--and I took that task seriously. For breakfast I had a sausage croisoinwich meal from Burger King, Culver's butterburger and cheese curds for lunch, mini 100 Grand bar. Happy Hour with girls from work consisted of a strawberry daiquiri, 2 beers, about 3 baskets of chips (w/queso of course!), rice and beans, and then about 10:30 PM Marc and I had Chinese food delivered--Beef Lo Mein for me. I stupidly just wondered "How many calories and fat do you think that is?" Well, using the fabulous tool that is technology, I checked restaurants websites and I have a total.......4800 CALORIES AND 233 GRAMS OF FAT! Now, I don't know whether to be ashamed or incredibly proud of that feat. It takes skill to consume that much without having any come back up. I think I will choose proud--yes, I'm proud. I would like to point out that it apparently isn't just a girl thing to have a final hurrah before you start a diet plan, I came home from Happy Hour to find Marc sitting in front of the TV with an empty carton of Edy's chocolate ice cream. Now, I ate all that for strategy. I wanted to have a really high weigh in for my first one so when comparing the last one, it would give me an advantage. Yes, I know that sounds screwy, but it's what I did. I weighed myself this morning and I had gained 4 lbs from last week. Yow-za!

So today Biggest Loser Challenge starts. I feel all puffy and bloated from the insane amount of salt I had yesterday. I skipped breakfast and for lunch had the tender roast only lettuce and ketchup from KFC and a side of green beans. They shouldn't call it a side--they should call it 5 green beans. Because that is all it was.

I am honestly sad. Food is really one of the few things I look forward to on a regular basis. Like what kind of sauce will my next meal be centered around? I can tell you for sure cheese, bacon and sour cream will always be better on a baked potato than salsa. Ho-hum. I am competitive so I'm excited about the challenge but I already want Tobin's. I will never "fake out" my body into thinking a carrot tastes the same as this...............

The Belt

I had another crap weigh in yesterday. Was up 1.5 lbs. I can't say I'm surprised. I haven't really rejoined Weight Watchers hard core and actually had a torpedo from La Gondola for breakfast last week (think gondola from Avanti's). Breakfast of champions.

Anyways, once again, I decided to jump back into Weight Watchers full force and actually move my body by going to 4 Seasons. I did an intense 55 minute cardio workout and came home. I had purposely worn sweatpants and t-shirt (as opposed to shorts and wife beater--my normal uniform) so I would sweat a lot and feel like I had done more than I actually did. It worked, I was covered in sweat and I felt like I had kicked ass. I even waited to change until Marc came home so I could have someone point out how hard I must have worked by saying "Man, you must have been working real hard, you're shirt is covered in sweat." He did, just as I predicted, and it felt good.

That feeling last about 2 seconds when he added, "Oh, hey, I hope you don't mind I borrowed your brown belt today for work." It wasn't a big deal that he had borrowed my belt. I mean, it made me feel like a real fatty that my boyfriend could borrow my belt, but I didn't care. And then it got worse, I noticed he had it on the tightest setting. Are you kidding me?! I had the worse sinking feeling in my stomach. I can't even get that thing past the 3rd or 4th hole. I instantly whined that it wasn't fair and Marc reassured me he had an exceptionally small waist for a man. I think all I managed was an "F you" under my breath. To make matters worse, he wore it around his head like an Indian headdress the rest of the night while we watched TV. I finally in true Crazy Sarah style turned to him out of nowhere and shrieked, "Can you take that stupid thing off your head now. It's taunting me." Belts are the devil.

The reviews are in.....

I had the McRib tonight. I decided around 4 PM tonight was the night it was going down. I came home and told Marc after our bike ride I wanted to hit up McDonald's for my BBQ dream. He was ecstatic since he loves Big Macs and Filet-O-Fish more than me.

I don't think I've had a McRib for about a year and couldn't remember if I really, truly loved the sandwich as much as I thought, or if it had just been hyped up in my head. There really isn't a worse feeling than getting excited about something (food) and then it sucks hard. So we rolled through the drive-thru. I got my McRib minus the pickles (they suck--you know it, I know it). I got home and opened the box--what happened to them being wrapped by the way? I mean, I love the box, but the wrapper seemed so much more environmentally friendly.

I took a bite.....YUM! I took another bit....Mmmmm. Each bite, more delicious than the last Seriously. Ask Marc, I made an audible positive review about my dining experience after every bite. My only complaint is that there isn't more sauce (I will ask for extra sauce next time) and that it's not bigger. However, I think the later has to do with my lack of portion control.

So there you have it. I give the McRib 2 forks up.

THE McRIB IS BACK!!!

I smell trouble....

This is what 12 points (500 calories, 26 g fat, and 3 g fiber) of pure bliss looks like. I heart you McRib.

Rediculous!

4 Seasons has finally moved to the 21st Century and is now offering online fitness class registration. I logged into the system and signed up for my classes (2 of which were full--boo!). So the registration site also has a handy section called "Check-In History". This is the part that will tell you how many times you have visited the gym. So far this month, I have gone to the gym once. ONCE! Are you kidding me? I paid $46 to use the gym for an hour. I say that not with anger directed at the gym, but at myself. Then I looked at past history. I had 2 visits in July and 2 in June. Are you kidding me? I've only gone to the gym 5 times in the last 3 months?! Now, this could be the part where I say it's ok because it's the summer and I've been working out outside. This would be a big, fat (like my ass) lie.

What is wrong with me? What a waste of money! Hopefully going through the act of actually registering for the classes will get me back in the gym--if not for my jiggly thighs, to justify allocating the funds.

The Prodigal Child has returned....

I feel like the kid from the bible story. I went off into the world of food thinking I could live with reckless abandon, eating what I wanted--not exercising and it would be ok. It's not ok. I think my fat has grown fat. I feel horrible. Even though I've only gained 3 lbs I feel like Pizza the Hut from Spaceballs.

Weight Watchers is like the dad from the bible story. It always welcomes me back with open arms. They even waive the registration fee for online users who come back. Good thing too because with as many times as I've gone off and gotten back on I could have paid for some liposuction by now.

Yesterday was Day #1. I stayed on 100%. It feels good to be back "on the wagon". However, I've already decided that when special occasions happen I will allow myself to eat like a normal person. And when I say eat like a normal person, I mean eat myself into a food coma.

Google Search: Lactose Intolerant

What do you do when the one you love does not love you in return?

Disclaimer: I talk about gross stuff in here, like poop. You were warned. I think I might be lactose intolerant (mildly anyways). Every time I consume large quantities of cheese or milk, which lets face it, is every time I consume cheese or milk, I get the bubble guts and want to die. The crazy thing is I know it's going to happen and but I still put away dairy with reckless abandon.

Last night I was craving pizza so I got some Papa John's pizza and cheesy bread. I enjoyed my dinner and put the thought of pure agony that would be coming later in back of my head. I went to bed but then sure enough, at almost midnight on the dot I woke up in cold sweats. I was so tired but I ran to the bathroom and sat there for the next 20 minutes. It was horrible and I cursed myself for not having more self control throughout the miserable experience.

If for no other reason, public safety should be a good reason to watch my dairy intake. Friday on my way home from work I almost killed 2 pedestrians and cut off several motorists in my attempt to get home before I messed my pants. If a cop were to have attempted to pulled me over I wouldn't have stopped. I would have gladly spent a night in jail just to make it to the bathroom. Curse you dairy, CURSE YOU!

You know, this situation reminds me of dating a really hot, self absorbed guy. You are obsessed because they seem so amazing. You overlook the fact that they lie and say stupid things without any regard to how it might make you feel because you can't believe someone so hot wants to be with you. You justify their bad behaviors because there are times you are together that it just feels good. You know it's not going to end well for you, but you continue to be with them. Dairy you are like a hot, assholish boyfriend. Well, except the worse a slice of pizza has ever done is give me diarrhea, it has never fucked up my credit and called me fat......maybe it's an unfair comparison after all.

Jipped

The vending machine at work is running ridiculously low on supplies. I was having a mid-afternoon sweet tooth attack so I took the elevator up the one flight of stairs and stared at my "sweet" options.....chocolate chip pop-tarts, Nutrageous, Milky Way (gross-does anyone actually eat these?) and Twix. Mmmm Twix, didn't even realize I was craving it until I saw it. #42 in the machine. I put in my quarter and 4 dimes and hit in 4,2,enter. Nothing. Again, 4,2,enter. I see a red light flash that next to "Please make another selection". I don't want another selection. I want the Twix. 4,2, enter. Stupid red light, I'm staring right at the Twix and the 3 or 4 behind it. Why am I being denied those carmel topped cookie wafers dipped in milk chocolate? Is there a weight sensor in front of the machine that only allows people of a certain weight to make specific selections? I tried it another 3 or 4 times before I accepted defeat and opted for the salted cashews. Talk about a rip off. I noticed the bag was more than half way full of air--I counted it out, 21 cashews. That is all you get for $0.65. That is 3 cents per cashew. Jipped, definitely jipped.

25 lb Terrorist Captured

I'm taking a break from the food talk to discuss my latest issue--Buddy the 25 lb Beagle. After his reign of terror being unkenneled while we're gone, the kennel has been reinstated and has led to the ceasing of peeing, pooping, tearing up shoes/couch pillows and general horse play not sanctioned by Sarah and Marc while we are gone. You had a nice go of it Buddy but all good things must come to an end.......

Ranch Dressing

I don't like tomatoes. Let me clarify, I didn't like tomatoes when I was 8 years old. So I am convinced I still do not like them. I also use to dislike ranch dressing. Apparently my mom was right (good call Jesus Judy), your taste buds really DO change as you age. I now love ranch dressing. I can't get enough ranch dressing. It is good on EVERYTHING. Marc made chicken Parmesan last night. There wasn't enough sauce with leftovers to cover the noodles and the chicken so I put the sauce on the pasta and decided to dip the chicken in ranch dressing. BINGO! So good. I wonder how huge I would be had I discovered ranch dressing during high school? The big thing was to go to Avanti's and get a loaf of bread and side of ranch (apparently there's is the best--now I must go and find out) and dip your bread in the ranch dressing. Mmmm ranch dressing. You evil temptress.

M.I.A.

Yes, I have been MIA lately with the blog and other things. I did not make my 10.4 in 2 weeks goal. Even though that challenge only ended a week ago, it feels like years. I think I ended up losing 4-5 lbs total. Which in 2 weeks is still pretty good. Eating well, exercise and Weight Watchers have totally gone down the shitter. This past week and a half have been a whirlwind. I got Buddy, the beagle and then last week Marc and I got a place together. I'm exhausted. Not that I would ever compare the care of a dog to the care of a child but I now have more sympathy for motherhood. The dogs (Buddy and Marc's dog Benson) are into everything--treats, the blinds, each other. And every time I come home there is a new wonderful surprise awaiting me. Yesterday it was they had managed to get in the closet and get out their bag of Canine Carryout treats and ate the WHOLE bag. I mean, I guess I too have at one (or several) points in my life consumed an entire bag of "treats" too (potato chips, oreos, cereal) so I could kind of relate but I was afraid they were going to get really sick. Thankfully they didn't but I am so exhausted when I come home for lunch or after work I don't want to eat right. Hell, we don't even have the groceries purchased if I did want to make that happen. So yeah, life is crazy right now but I'm sure I'll eventually get back on track. That reminds me, the only thing that I did not move yet from my mom's house is my scale. I'm debating moving it at all. It really is just pure evil in the form of electronics. However, I did find my Tony Little Gazelle in the garage and it made the move with me. I've never used it but can't wait to look like an infomercial by using it in the comfort of my own home. :)

Cheese

I love cheese. No, seriously, I LOVE CHEESE. I love it on everything; sandwiches, salads, soups, cracker toppers, melted in a bowl for dipping, etc. Yesterday, I had 7 cheese singles throughout the day. I would have had more but I was trying to control myself. I had it in grilled cheese at lunch, cheese n crackers after work, and on ham sandwiches for dinner. I have visions of swimming in pools of cheese. When I die, I hope it's in a fondue accident. Cheese just makes everything better. I heart you cheese.

Frustration sets in

I gained this morning. I gained 1.6 lbs from yesterday and it's insulting because I was really good yesterday. Marc went to the store and got some oreos and milk. They looked so good but I didn't even smell them. When I got on the scale this morning I was feeling really confident and skinny if I do say so myself. I stepped on and didn't believe my eyes. I thought "Oh, maybe I was standing funny, let's try this again." I re-did it and it said the same thing. Are ya kidding me? My first thought was I should have had those oreos and milk. Being good got me no where. Now, I know what you're thinking, good thing I didn't eat the oreos, I might have gained even more. Well, if I would have had the oreos, then I would at least feel like there was something to blame on that gain. Now I just feel jipped and oreo-less. :(

Catalyst & "Free" Day

If anyone ever needed a catalyst for change, this picture surely will do it for you. I've been assured several times I do not actually look like this. It was blamed on the angle of the photographer, the fact that I'm looking down, and whatever else pops into people's brains, but there it is. That picture was taken on June 7th at my friend Taylor and Dan's. He put it on his facebook and myspace and I was mortified. I immediately sent his wife an e-mail requesting it be brought down for fear others would see it even though I'm not tagged in it. I notice that request went unanswered but that did allow me to steal it and put it on here, so I guess it's a blessing it was never taken down. Public shaming is a successful tactic when wanting people to perform a certain behavior. Like when they publish the names of dead beat Dad's in the paper or make a billboard of people who are late on their taxes to get them to pay. I just got a wave of panic thinking about this picture being displayed on a large billboard down Veterans Parkway.

Let's get real honest for a second. I look like Java the Hut in this picture. (Star Wars geeks is it spelled the way it sounds?) It is not ok to look like this and it makes me want to bitch slap the people around me for not giving me a heads up to the fact that I was ballooning back out like that. Grrrrossss!

This weekend has gone ok. When I use to do Weight Watchers regularly I still did my version of it. I was good during the week and then had what I called "free weekend", which meant the weekend was free game. I had decided that is not the route I would take this time. I would actually follow plan and do it the right way. Well, that was until last night when I had 3 glasses of wine at Taylor and Dan's and somehow free night popped into my mind and I completely justified it. I ate some Carlos O'Kelly's dip and some chips and then decided on the way back to Marc's that we should definitely stop and get some Chinese. Gew. Remember that sweet n sour chicken I wanted to beat Marc in the head for earlier this week? Well I totally got it. The weird thing though? It didn't taste as good as I thought it would. I think part of me felt so bad for "giving in" that I couldn't enjoy my gluttony in full. It was good but I didn't eat much of it. I covered the rest and told Marc to eat it for lunch today. I logged on to Weight Watchers today and tracked all my food and drinks from yesterday. I actually didn't do too bad for a "free night". Today is the last day of the week. The head start I got on the 10.4 in 2 weeks challenge is coming in handy. I'm only .1 lbs ahead of schedule now. Eeks!

Get away from me devil woman!

I went to McDonald's yesterday to get one of their tasty Southwest Salad's with grilled chicken. I am obsessed with them lately. They are delicious and filling and well, I just love them. Anyways, I'm waiting in the drive-thru line and I see the woman in front of me only got a vanilla ice cream cone. My internal dialogue "Wow, that looks delicious. Ice cream sounds so good right now. Maybe I should get some Weight Watcher's ice cream cups later. Actually, McDonald's ice cream isn't that bad for you, only 3 points, I could come back for one for a treat sometime." It's now my turn, I pull up to the window and the woman hands me my drink and then says "Would you like an ice cream cone? The girl made an extra one." I screamed "NO! GET AWAY FROM ME DEVIL WOMAN!", I screeched my tires and pulled away without my salad. Actually no, I just said no thanks and took my salad. I know she was just trying to be nice but I wanted to claw her eyes out.

That reminds me of a story. From the time I was 14-16 I worked at McDonald's. They use to give us employee cups that were just a little bigger than a dixie cup. We were allowed to have water or any soft drink we liked. What did I fill mine with when the manager wasn't watching? Chocolate shake. And I wonder how I got fat.

Anyways, yeah for the small victory yesterday of turning down FREE ice cream. The scale and I are friends again. Down 1.2 lbs from yesterday so I've lost 5.4 lbs since Monday and now just have 5 more to go. I've decided if I hit this ridiculous goal of 10.4 lbs in 2 weeks I'm getting the platinum package at Fox N Hounds. Manicure, pedicure, facial, and 60 minute massage.

Damn you scale!

At the end of May I made a goal. I would lose 5 lbs throughout the month of June. Well, I finally realized on June 16th that instead of losing 5 lbs, I had gained 5 lbs, technically 5.4. In my defense I had a birthday June 7th and there was lots of cakes, pies, cobblers, and a general glutenous attitude. I decided I would still try to achieve my goal. That means I have to lose 10.4 lbs in 14 days. On Weight Watchers they tell you not to weigh yourself everyday. Well I've always been a rebel so I do it anyways. I have to lose .75 lbs per day to get to my goal. Well Day 1 was quite the success, down 3.6. Yesterday, another solid day, down another 1.4. I was thinking, I'm way ahead of goal, this should be easy. I know that not everyday will be this good but I'm feel pretty arrogant. Then today, I gained .8. Mother fucker!!!!! I was pissed. I had been so good yesterday too, ate a salad with turkey and black beans for dinner and ran my fat ass for 40 minutes. Marc got home and wanted to go get some takeout from Jade Garden (formerly Ming's Wok) where he got sweet n sour chicken, pork fried rice, and an egg roll. I just sat there and sipped my water and pretended like I didn't want it, but really I was desperate to club him in the head and steal the glorious MSG filled platter. About an hour later he wanted to run up to Casey's to get a drink. He came out with the king size PB Twix bar. We went back to his place and put in Mind of Mencia and he started to eat it. Have you seen these things? They look delicious, Peanut Butter covering some chocolate wafer thing dipped in milk chocolate. Every fat girl's dream. He thought I was being affectionate by asking for a kiss, but really I just wanted to be closer to the sweet peanut butter and chocolate scent. I didn't eat any of it though, not even a bite. Have you ever played the "I'll just have A bite" game? It doesn't end well.

I know there are lots of good explanations for not losing again today. My muscles might be retaining water from my run since my legs are sore, maybe I have to pooh, and weight just naturally fluctuates from day to day. I really wanted it today though after being so good yesterday. F-in scale. I thought we were friends this week?

Here's to starting over.....

I can't stop eating. I love eating. I hate working out. I'm creating a blog of my never ending journey. Hopefully you might find it comforting if you are on your own journey or perhaps you don't like me and think this is amusing. Either way, welcome.

I was always the fat kid. I remember having the worst rashes between my thighs because they rubbed together when I wore dresses and skirts. There was nothing better than the sweet relief of aloe and a fan on my burning legs. I also remember being in 4th grade and getting ready for open house. Our teacher, Mrs. Watson wanted us to create an "About Me" profile to put on our desk for our parents. Included in this wonderful description was our height and weight. To make sure it was entirely accurate she brought in a tape measure and scale. The doom I felt was overwhelming. I remember seeing 100 lbs on the scale and writing it in pencil on my paper. I sat back down at my desk, eyes getting blury from tears that were forming as I defiantly erased the 100 and put in 95. I remember thinking at the time I was going to be in trouble for lying, but I didn't care, I wasn't going to be the fattest kid in class.

I'd like to think that all the painful memories of being a fat kid can be used as fuel to make me work harder. Don't get me wrong, I am not doing this for health reasons. I could give a crap about extending my life expetency by 5 to 10 years. I drink, smoke, and tan--I'm obviously not the poster child for good decisions. I am more motivated by the hopes of running into somebody like Colin Dameron someday. Colin is a boy I went to junior high with who use to call me a sow everyday at lunch. I hope if I run into him again as an adult, he is still short and looks like trailer trash, preferrably balding. He probably doesn't remember who I am, but I will never forget him.

This week I decided to get back on the wagon. Since Marc and I got together I have let the gym and Weight Watchers go down the shitter. I do not want to be one of those people who becomes comfortable in a relationship and gains 20 lbs in the first 3 months. I don't want to look at him everyday and ask, "Have I gotten fatter since we got together?" I know the answer. I have a scale, mirror, and the lovely marks on my stomach from where my pants are digging in now that they are getting a bit snug. I have started back on Weight Watchers and am trying to be more consistent with my working out. Robbie Garrett (thanks Robbie) referred me to personal trainer he sees. The guy works out of his garage but knows his stuff. Our first workout was yesterday and I got lightheaded but I'm determined to not give up and made an appointment for next week.

So welcome to my journey. Feel free to share your own stories, tips, recipes, and general commentary.